My All.

I'm thinking of you in my sleepless solitude tonight. If it's wrong to love you, then my heart just won't let me be right because I'm drowned in you and I won't pull through without you by my side. Can you feel me? Imagining I'm looking in your eyes. I can see you clearly, vividly emblazoned in my mind and yet you're so far like a distant star I'm wishing on tonight.

I'd give my all to have just one more night with you. I'd risk my life to feel your body next to mine because I can't go on. Living in the memory of our song. I've give my all for your love tonight.

The only exception.

And that was the day that I promised I'd never sing of love if it does exist.

Maybe I know, somewhere deep in my soul, that love never lasts. And we've got to find other ways to make it alone or keep a straight face. And I've always lived like this... Keeping a comfortable distance. And up until now I had sword to myself that I'm content with loneliness because none of it was ever worth the risk. 

"Dear whoever is reading this, you are beautiful & someone out there is crazy about you. So smile, life is too short to be unhappy."

Have you ever...

The breath before the kiss
And the fear before the flames.
Have you ever felt this way?

Have you ever wished for an endless night?
Lassoed the moon and the stars and pulled the rope so tight.
Have you ever held your breath and asked yourself 
Will it ever get better than tonight?

She will be loved.

I used to think I could live without love. Live life with my heart guarded by steel walls and turn everything I touch into ice. It's easier to keep the door shut than to let someone in, hoping they won't leave the door wide open. I'm afraid and uneasy.

But I crave for that warm embrace. 

"You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect- you aren't either. And the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking of you ever second of the day, but she will give you a part of her she knows you can break- her heart. So don't hurt her. Don't change her. Don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there." -Bob Marley

Wondrous. Bewildering. Brilliant... Horrible.

I'm resolute, angry, scared, fatigued, and I notice when people judge me silently. I don't give out empty praise in hopes that none are given to me. I'm not complacent or well-adjusted. I can't spend 15 minutes breathing and stretching and getting in touch with myself. I can't sleep at night sometimes because there is too much to do, too many emotions running through me, and too much change in the world... my personal world. And I wonder everyday if I'm making a difference and if I'll ever express the potential within me that God planted in me. Or if I'll remain forever paralyzed by the muddled madness inside my head. I've been more sad than happy on every birthday I've ever had because life is huge and fleeting and I don't like certain people and certain shoes and certain people in certain shoes. I feel that life is terribly unfair and sometimes beautiful and wonderful and extraordinary, but also numbing and horrifying and insurmountable and I hate the futility of it. The rest of the time, I laugh at the silliest things and I cherish the fact that there's someone next to me that laughs with me. I'm amazed at this world we live in. Deep inside, I know he deserves someone infinitely better. So I'll keep myself in check every time I step over that fine line and remind myself that it's best to just let him be.

I'm exhausted.